The Fondled Peach

Here's another poem that will be featured in my collection of poems, "Crabs are our friends: A collection of Romantic Poems" by Dave the Romance Poet which is scheduled to be released April 2014 by Peter Puller Press Publishing (PP squared, for short).

I always like to reveal the inspiration for my poems as it may be the most frequently asked question I receive from lesser writers aspiring to achieve even half the level of success I've enjoyed.

The inspiration for this poem came to me one day while I was out riding my bicycle. I saw a dead chipmunk on the side of the road and that's when it came to me. So that's the reason I've titled this poem "Some Rocks are Gray and Some Aren't So Live With It".

Thank you. I hope you enjoy it.


I approached you in the grocery store
You were fondling a peach.
My pickup line was something like this:
I should be on you like a leech.

So you brought me back to your place
And made me a lovely dinner
And told me you'd make love to me
If I were 20 pounds thinner.

So for months I worked out
And took off the weight
Went back to your place
But you'd moved out of state.

I tracked you down
To North Carolina
Showed up at your door,
I'd never looked finer.

You pulled me into your room
Ripped off my clothes
You ravaged my body
With your mouth and your nose.

Now it was my turn
To send your body in shock
But when I pulled off your dress
You were sporting a cock.

So I ran all the way back to NY.
Screaming.
Like a little girl.



Thank you
©2007 Dave the Romance Poet.

Rose Clouds

Here's another poem that will be featured in my collection of poems, "Crabs are our friends: A collection of Romantic Poems" by Dave the Romance Poet which is scheduled to be released April 2014 by Peter Puller Press Publishing (PP squared, for short).

The inspiration for this poem came to me when my fly in my jeans got stuck at half mast after taking a leak in one of the men's rooms at a Wal-Mart in Maryland.

Which is why I titled this particular poem "Clouds Look Red To Me When I'm Wearing Rose Colored Glasses Even Though I Know In My Mind They're Really White"

I hope you like it. I think this one is VERY romantic.


I've been living my life
For the most part a loner
Then you came along
And gave me a boner.

I never said "Hi",
Just saw you in a store.
But my fantasy remains,
You're my own private whore.

Now things have changed
And money's an issue.
From dropping too many dollars
On boxes of tissue.



Thank you
©2007 Dave the Romance Poet.

Moss or Lichen?

It's been a while since I posted one because I can't post EVERY poem that's going to be in the book (which is titled "Crabs are our friends: A collection of Romantic Poems" by Dave the Romance Poet which is scheduled to be released April 2014).

But my beautiful friend from New Jersey asked for a new poem, so for her, I honor the request and share this with all of you.

By the way, the publisher, who just advanced me $32,000,000...a NEW WORLD RECORD!!!...is Peter Puller Press.

The inspiration for this poem came from watching a dog hump a telephone pole.

Which is why I call it "Moss (Or Is It Lichen?) Growing On The Asphalt Shingles On The Roof Of My Neighbor's Shed".

I hope you like it.


Hark! Do you hear it?
Yes! It is for sure!
There's no mistaking that sound!
The cry of a lonely whore!

I approach her quietly.
And give her some money.
A twenty dollar bill
She says, "Yeah, right, honey".

I say, "But you're lonely"
She says, "Go away.
Or give me a hundred
If you want to play."

'A hundred?', I think
I should cause a commotion!
But I go home alone
With my hand and some lotion.

And $16.22 in change.

Thank you
©2007 Dave the Romance Poet.

Peeing in the Creek

Once again, I'm pleased to be able to bring you an excerpt from my upcoming book titled "Crabs are our friends: A collection of Romantic Poems" by Dave the Romance Poet which is slated to be released April 2014.

As always, I like to tell my readers the inspiration for my poems. My "muse of the moment" so to speak. Inspiration for my poetry can strike at any time and be caused by virtually anything, including the most mundane things one can imagine.

The inspiration for this particular poem, however, came from something rather exciting...at least exciting by comparison to what a normal "day in the life of Dave the Romance Poet" generally is. It was inspired by a June bug flying into the screen that's in my office window. It was a funny sound (I swear I heard the bug say "Fuck" when he hit the thing) and inspired the following poem.

I call this one "Peeing In The Creek By The Light Of A Full Moon".

I hope you like it.


The firelight dances in your eyes
Much like a tiki torch.
Like the ones on "Survivor",
Or the one on my porch.

And so we made love
To an Anthrax CD
Because that's as romantic
As romance can be.

Your pouty lips
Your perfect abs
Dammit, you should've shaved
'Cause now you gave me crabs.



Thank you
©2007 Dave the Romance Poet.

Bird Poop

Another romantic poem that will be included in my book of romantic poems that will be published in April 2014 titled "Crabs are our friends: A collection of Romantic Poems" by Dave the Romance Poet.

Thank you.

There's a funny story behind the inspiration of this poem but I can't remember it. Well yes I can, but it's none of your damn business. OK fine, I was whacking off one day and my hand flew off and I punched myself in the forehead (too much lotion probably) and that's when it came to me. Just like that.



This poem is called "Bird Poop Dribbling Down My Windshield". I hope you like it.

Outside, it starts to rain
It falls upon your face
And makes you very wet
But that's the wrong place

But that's OK,
Just form your mouth into an "O"
I can pound that too
You filthy ho.



Thank you
©2007 Dave the Romance Poet.

Vultures

I've been requested by one of my friends to write a new poem today. Since I'm a DJ by trade, honoring requests is something I strive to do whenever possible. Unless it's a really stupid request like the Barry Manilow/Twisted Sister mash-up called "We're Not Gonna Daybreak (It)".

So here goes. I had to reach for inspiration for this one. So I stepped outside and saw my 72 year old neighbor bent over pulling something out of the ground like she was giving it a tugjob. Therefore, my inspiration for this poem was the bug that crawled over my foot. I call this one "Vultures Circling Overhead Looking For Something Dead to Eat"

I think it's one of my most romantic ones to date. I hope you like it.

We undressed each other
In the middle of the day
We wanted a noontime
Roll in the hay.

But something caught my eye
It was just a little thing
Next time you wear a thong
Could you try and hide that string?

Month after month
That bill comes due
It puts you in the red
And that makes me blue.

So much for our nooner
That pretty much went south.
But it's lunchtime, you're hungry,
You need something in your mouth.



Thank you
©2007 Dave the Romance Poet.

Itchy Anus

Here's another one of my poems that will appear in my upcoming book (which is slated for release in April 2014). The book will be titled "Crabs are our friends: A collection of Romantic Poems" by Dave the Romance Poet.


This one is called "An Itchy Anus Isn't Always Something To Worry About; Sometimes It's Just An Itch."

The inspiration for this one came to me one day while moving a rock from one part of my garden to another. I hope you like it.

I jumped when I heard
The telepone ring
'Cause I was thinking of you
And masturbating.

Needless to say
The moment was ruined
And I was unable
To complete my act.

Maybe next time
With a little help from above
The phone won't ring
And I'll finish my self-love

Or maybe I'll just turn off the phone


Thank you
©2007 Dave the Romance Poet.

Golfing & Clowns

This one isn't really a romantic poem in the traditional sense, but I believe this particular poem is destined to become a classic much along the lines of "How Do I Love Thee" by Elizabeth Barrett Browning or "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost or perhaps even "There Once Was a Man From Nantucket" by Anonymous.

I call this one "Flowers Growing in Concrete" and I hope you like it. It was inspired by Chris Farley's famous Chippendale dancer sketch with Patrick Swayze on Saturday Night Live and it's one of my personal favorites. It's a "modern poem" in that it doesn't rhyme. Enjoy.

Tears stream down the face
Of a miniature golf course clown.
Of course it's only water from a hose,
But still it's sad.

And it makes me cry
As I shoot for the hole in one
That will win me a free game.
But the tears make me miss.

I think it's a conspiracy.


Thank you
©2007 Dave the Romance Poet.

Junior Mints & Iced Tea

Here's my first poem for your enjoyment.

First, a little background as to the inspiration of the poem. Writers often draw their inspiration from what they call their "muse". And while I had a muse at one time in my life, this particular poem was inspired by a box of Junior Mints.

While in a theater watching a movie and eating a box of Junior Mints, this poem, basically from out of nowhere, popped into my head. Now, it could have been equally inspired by a box of cereal or Ritz crackers or any other brand of crackers for that matter or even by a box of cookies. But it wasn't. It was inspired by Junior Mints.

Which is why I have titled this poem "Sipping Iced Tea on a Warm Sunny Day". I hope you like it.

I have a tab.
You have a slot.
I think you're pretty.
I think you're hot.

So if I ask,
Please say, "Why not?"
And let me put my tab
Into your slot.

Thank you.

I hope you liked reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Love, (and © 2007)
Dave the Romance Poet